Learning how to take care of yourself is really hard. In a way, you’re parenting yourself. So there can be many individual barriers based on how you grew up. This is why I don’t think it is best to do it yourself or rely on friends too much. Counselling is important because like a friend, they are a neutral party who wants what is best for you. They also have specific training which I have found to be much more reliable than a friend’s advice. I also think the relationship barrier helps a lot with removing the pressure to follow advice to appease a friend. Also, in my experiences I have found there are differences between a support worker and a therapist. Since a support worker is meant to be connected to community resources, they’re more open to taking on clients because generally they can do more outreach. I have found that therapists focus their work on the individual and the counselling-related problems in their life. My time in care as a kid made it hard to share, which made it difficult to ask friends for help in tough emotional situations. Essentially, we are all trying to figure it out at the same time. The difference being other kids usually had parents or family to lean on for advice. Eventually, my mental health got so bad that I couldn’t manage it myself. As months went by, I began realizing that the experience from a counsellor/therapist fit what I was missing. Finally, I met a therapist that clicked for me. A neutral party with relevant experience I could access that worked! They helped give me the tools to help myself.
Once my emotional needs were met, I could start working on myself. For me, the most important thing I learned was how to relax. Being in a state of hypervigilance for many years closed my mind to survive rather than thrive. My perception of thriving was heavily impacted too. I didn’t think I fit in the world because I was poor, and not many people could relate to me. My therapist reminded me that I do fit in the world, and participating in therapy helped me see where my niche is. Adulting or self-parenting is very individualistic. It is an ongoing process that changes as you learn more about yourself. My early steps focused heavily on trusting people and life’s processes, fully and completely. That process isn’t done, because it still affects my personal relationships. Being able to look back and compare who I am today to my past self makes me so happy. That is how I take care of myself. Acknowledging it’s a process, allowing myself to express what I need, and celebrating my progress.
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