It was incredibly frustrating trying to get mental health support. I had no connections, no income, and I had just graduated high school and had quite a toxic job. My attempts to chip away at mental health support got me nowhere. I couldn’t find the words to describe how I felt, let alone how to describe my chaotic life at the time. Eventually, a verbal argument broke out between me and another youth in the group home I was living in at the time. This got me so filled with rage that I slammed my door, and without thinking, I ended up self-harming. The adrenaline immediately forced me to fix what I could, so I went to the staff and they called an ambulance.
My first introduction to therapy felt so hopeless. These therapists are so far removed from me, there’s no way they could relate to me. Judgements were all I could think of because stigma from movies and TV shows showed me the lack of understanding therapists had for their patients. I couldn’t recall many people at the time that had a positive experience with therapy. There was one friend I made in the group home that would praise therapy and would go so far as to say that everyone should have access to it. I started becoming more hopeful about therapy, but at the same time, I was still very apprehensive about it. There were no options available to me other than just trying some form of therapy. I started group therapy shortly after this realization. Even though I was very wary of trying therapy, when I went for my first session I noticed I had enjoyed it.
Based on what I had learned about therapy from movies, TV shows and family members, I believed that group therapy is just for people with addictions. I couldn’t relate to this idea, so I often felt dejected from the rest of the group. At the same time, not many people were there to talk about addiction in general. Over time, I started getting familiar with the routine of going to therapy, and I began to enjoy seeing familiar faces. The group was medium-size with about 20 people total. I had to face a big fear of sharing with a group, and not comparing my experiences to others. This was incredibly challenging for me, but it was also very rewarding too. There is something cathartic about sharing something deeply personal in a group setting.
My first major breakthrough was talking about a difficult romantic relationship I had in the past. I couldn’t look at anyone, I felt so shameful for crying and not being able to keep myself together, but I wasn’t judged. Instead, I was met with incredible kindness. The group had two folks that I could tell experienced the same pain I was feeling in sharing that story. Listening and eventually being able to look up, I saw people expressing genuine empathy toward me. These two group members were trying their absolute best to explain how they could relate, and they gave me advice that I needed to hear at that time.
Group therapy isn’t for everyone. I definitely had my issues with it. Major life changes happened to me again which resulted in me moving. This meant I could no longer go to group therapy. I was noticing my problems became too much for group therapy, and the travel time became difficult to manage. I recommend group therapy because it changed my view on therapy in general. Whatever therapy you first try, do your best to see the value in it. Most of my realizations of how impactful it was came months later.